


Thank you, love you, bye-bye

by trashphantato



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Actors, Blood, Complicated Relationships, Confessions, Crazy!Phil, Dan Howell Is Not A Youtuber, Hurt Phil Lester, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Out of Character, Psychological Trauma, Tags Are Hard, Tags Contain Spoilers, True Love, YouTuber Phil Lester, actor!dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 10:25:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17744159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashphantato/pseuds/trashphantato
Summary: Phil records a video to explain his side of the story. The side that loves Dan with all his heart.





	Thank you, love you, bye-bye

Inside an unfamiliar space, with shaky and sticky hands, Phil struggled to set up his tripod on the desk to place his video camera onto. He reeked, but that didn’t matter because he couldn’t smell— or even feel right now. His heart thumped hard in his cramped chest but that hardly matters because all he could think about was the words he needed to string up together.

  
The small red light blinked from the camera, and it meant it was recording. Years of doing this as a YouTuber and a Radio personality, this might’ve been the most he felt like himself in front of the camera. With his usual black hair falling perfectly in place— now sticking up in all places, his bright eyes now red and tired, his cheeks were covered with streaks of tears, Phil felt unusually different.

As he rocked in his chair, he finally started,  
“Before anything else, let me get one thing straight, and you have to understand this.” He stared at the camera, “I love Dan,” his words were sincere, every part if it.

  
Breathing heavily he added, “More than anything else…” he clasped his hands together while his legs were shaking under him.

  
So he stood up to stop them from doing that, then suddenly sitting back down to face the camera yet again, “Even back then, when he decided to pursue his dreams to become an actor and leave me behind in London to continue the radio show I signed up for the both of us.”

  
Phil remembered the darling smile his beloved Dan flashed before finally turning his back to board his flight. The memory of it was clear as day, Phil could still see how deeply Dan’s dimples carved his cheeks when he smiled that day, the way he tasted during the last kiss they shared before parting and the way Dan’s back looked like back then when he was walking away.

  
“Even when he told me he met a shady looking woman who offered him up ‘special lessons’ in exchange for favors.” Phil winced as he felt a sudden sharp pain in his tired heart.

  
Remembering the video call that shook him off his shoes, that one particular night when Dan admitted to his malefactions, to all the affairs he engaged in just to make sure he had a place in that wretched place. The memory of it made Phil grab onto his hair as he rocked himself back and forth once more.

  
“He would always tell me he loved me,” Phil smirked at the words that came out of his mouth, because he could still hear how dearly it sounded coming from Dan. He closed his eyes tightly keeping the memory in his mind alive as he continued, “And I loved him as much.”

  
He held his face with his dirty hands as he spoke, “I was ecstatic for him when his efforts finally paid off, and Dan was given the chance to star at a big show in a big place alongside people with big names!” he realized he was actually smiling at the memory of it, “I thought that with him finally reaching his dreams meant we would be together again.”

  
His smile slowly faded as tears started forming in the corner of his eyes, “But I could have never been wrong at that moment, and I wish…”

  
Phil felt his voice breaking as he continued, “Oh how much I wish I could’ve forced him back to my side back then…” he clenched his fist before hitting himself hard in the middle of his chest, “but I never could get in the way of him and his dreams.”

  
“I flew, to where he was, the night before his big show.” The tired and dazed Phil stood up, and he paced back and forth, in front of the camera that could only capture him from neck to his torso. He wasn’t aware of it, but it was minutes before he could stop himself to face the camera yet again.

  
As he took another deep breath, he sat down before starting yet again, “I know, you might be wondering why I didn’t stay with him instead? Follow him and just be with him.”  
He shook his head slowly, “I couldn’t really do that.”

  
With his fingers buried into his hair he added, “As much as I believed in his potential and talents more than anyone in this fucking world, I didn’t want to lose the one source of income we were relying on in any case things went wayward.” Then he threw his hands in the space in front of him as he shouted, “But at this point, that wasn’t an excuse!”

  
“I should’ve known what would happen next!! Deep inside my head, I’ve always known… maybe I anticipated for it to happen”

  
Phil chuckled as his voice began to break, with tears finally falling, “But when I realized I made the biggest mistake of my life, like always… I was too late.”

  
“Dan had been consumed by it all. He changed. He changed for the worse. He was like a ghost I never knew.”

  
With his fists clenched he hit the desk one too many times, he only stopped when he realized that the camera was lopsided. He stretched his arms to fix it as he said, “The woman that ‘helped’ him corrupted him, and not just her. The whole system did, they ruined him.”

  
Phil pressed his hands on his face, “Dan was susceptible to fame, its advantage and its consequences. And being the sweet Dan that he was, it made him go stone cold crazy.”

  
“And—and I missed that boy so much… you can’t blame me.” Phil gripped on the collar of his shirt as his face held a painful expression on his face, “I missed him so much.”

  
Shaking his head he added, “I didn’t want the person I love to turn into such a monster… but I was too late.”

  
Pausing, he composed himself, waiting until his breathing turned back to normal. When it did, he looked into the camera dead eye as he slowly spoke, “So I did what I had to do… I did what I had to do… I did what he would’ve wanted me to. The real Dan...” he nodded to himself, “Tonight, I did it… I took matters into my own hands.”

  
He flashed a grin, and he was amazed at how proud he looked at the camera footage, “That woman is finally gone. That woman has finally paid her price. I made her pay for what she’s done. I made her eat the dirt, inhale the dirt, and live in the dirt she smothered Dan with.” He pointed downwards as he completed, “She’s finally underneath us.”

  
Phil was laughing at the thought of it, remembering how the witch screamed so dearly for her worthless life. How he made her realize that it was the final moments leading up to her final breath. The terror in her face when Phil closed her shut inside that cramped up box that barely gave her enough room to stretch her scrawny legs. But all his laughter was cut off when he suddenly remembers…

  
“So I came to fetch Dan, my love, oh my sweet love… We made love because I was too happy, and I knew he would be too…“ Phil wanted to keep the memory of his beautiful Dan, face in pure passion and riding the highs with him but instead it was replaced with the terrified face when he told him what had transpired, “but he was too far gone… Dan was into deep with all the corruption in his soul“. But the memory of Dan’s beauty couldn’t last when he remembered what happened next.

  
“When I told him he was finally free, he went berserk, as if I was the monster… as if I was the one who fucked him up.” Phil felt enraged by it, as the scenes started replaying inside his head, “He suddenly pulled a long barrel shot gun out of one of his closet, and I was distraught because of the words that came from him.”

  
“At that moment, I knew that I— I… I was too late. He was gone.” Phil stood up once more, but this time he held onto the camera to keep it focused on his face, “My beloved Dan was gone; he was nowhere to be found. What stood before me, pointing a gun, was not the man I loved.”

  
His eyelids felt heavy, and he closed them shut to provide himself time to rest. As he did, it all came back to him… Dan Howell “He might have had the same pretty eyes, same deep carved dimples, same thin lips, same adorable nose, the same fucking voice that called me oh so sweetly and the same gorgeous brown locks—“. Phil’s perfect recollection of Dan was cut short when the image of his lover pointing a gun at him appeared, causing him to open his eyes back into reality, “I knew he wasn’t there anymore.”

  
He felt the corners of his mouth turning, as he stared back into the camera that continued to record him and with a shrug he said, “And I lost it… I don’t know what happened next because everything went dark and everything was a blur, but I remember hearing two shots and when I opened my eyes…”

  
Phil heard it. _He might’ve missed._ He didn’t even know how he managed to grab it from Dan. _He might’ve missed._ Dan would never have shot it. _He might’ve missed._ Phil heard his name being called, and the voice of Dan stayed. _He might’ve missed._ There was a ringing sound after the loud bang. _He might’ve missed._ Then silence. Deafening silence was all there was. _He didn’t miss._

  
“The soulless carcass that looked like the man I loved with all my heart bathed in his own pool of blood.” Phil finally said it.

  
“I watched.” He stared at the camera lens, “I watched how his body twitched. I watched how the light in his eyes dimmed. I felt numb. Fucking numb as I realize…” then he stared at his hands, “I don’t even recognize myself covered in red… in red sticky liquid… warm liquid… warm blood.” The warm sticky liquid was now dried up.

  
Phil was covered in it. His hair, his hands, his face, his legs, his body… The entirety of him… He was covered in Dan’s blood. He grabbed the video camera and took it off the tripod before running towards the mirror in the room. When he was in front of it, he faced the camera to record himself facing the mirror. He looked so wrong. He looked so fucking wrong.

  
At that moment, Phil realized he was smiling. A huge fucking smile spread across his face— because even then when he looked wrong…

  
“Understand this when I say…” Phil held the camera to face him once again

  
_He finally avenged the death of his beloved Dan._

  
“I love Dan” he smiled, “more than anything else”

  
_He felt more human than ever._

  
Phil knelt down beside the cold body that laid lifeless, “Thank you— love you, bye-bye” he kissed Dan

  
_Everything felt so fucking right_.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey pals!
> 
> Thanks for reading this short one until the end.😊
> 
> So I didn't add tags because it will spoil the story too much. Hope it doesn't have a drastic change on the reads.😂
> 
> If you've read my other stories then you might've noticed I get inspired by songs. Hopefully you lads guess which song this was about.🤣
> 
> Kudos and comments are highly appreciated!
> 
> Until next time!
> 
> Yours truly,
> 
> trashphantato  
> 🗑🥔


End file.
